Scott's Top 10 "Scott Moments"

It would be fair to say that my life isn't boring. Not only do I have two rambunctious, crazy dogs but I am married to an equally adventurous and accident-prone husband, Scott. People who know us well would refer to those episodes that could only happen to him as "Scott Moments".  After a dirt biking trip one summer a friend told me he was sure he would be the one to tell me Scott's last words and they would be "watch this". While on vacation in Honduras we were socializing with some other travellers and Scott had been entertaining them with some of his stories. Someone asked Scott what he does for a living, to which he replied that he was an insurance broker. Well everyone thought that was pretty funny and they turned to me and wanted to know what I did for a living. So I replied that I was a workplace health and safety advisor. The group erupted in laughter and they proclaimed that we were the most ironic couple they have ever met. I suppose that might be true. But seriously, it is a really good thing that we have adequate insurance coverage.

I have decided to share some of the most memorable "Scott Moments" that have happened since the year 1999 when we started dating. Scott had already experienced a lifetime of "Scott Moments" before we met, but I couldn't do those events justice as I did not personally witnessed them.

Our family - December 2011

Here are the Top 10 "Scott Moments" (since the year 1999 when we met):

1. Not long after we started dating Scott came home from a day of skiing at Fernie with chest pain and a lot of difficulty breathing. He has asthma and had assumed he was having an asthma attack. He just wanted to go to bed, but I insisted on taking him to the hospital. When you go to the emergency room and say you are having trouble breathing you go straight to the front of the line. Within minutes he was on oxygen and being examined. Only a few minutes later the thoracic surgeon arrived and started asking Scott questions and wanted to know when he had hit his chest. Scott said that he had not hit his chest but had planted his poles while skiing and his arms were jerked back. As it turns out, while his arms were being forcefully ripped behind his body he tore a hole in his lung and it collapsed. The doctor said it was the type of injury they usually see with a blow to the chest such as hitting your chest on a steering wheel in a car accident. The air from the lung had filled the mediastinum (chest cavity) and we could feel air bubbles in his neck. The doctors wanted to keep an eye on Scott overnight, but didn't want to admit him, so instead they decided to put him in the only quiet area of the ER, the psychiatric room with padded walls. They also gave him Demerol to help with the pain.  While he was getting settled in the psych room, and going between various levels of consciousness due to the pain killers, he suddenly opened his eyes wide, sat up and said (in a slurred voice) "I LOVE YOU!" And that was the first time he said he loved me. Awww! How romantic.

2. While we were engaged to be married Scott decided to go mountain biking with my cousin. They hadn't been gone long when they came rushing in the front door, Scott covered in blood. The story goes that while they were getting their bikes ready in the parking lot, Scott had been hopping curbs and went over his handlebars. While we were examining his roadrash to decide if he needed a trip to the ER, we commented that a wound on his abdomen looked pretty deep and was gaping (sort of like a bullet wound). When we took a closer look someone commented that it looked as though there was something in the wound. Scott stuck his finger in there and pulled out a pebble about 1 cm in diameter. We decided to take him to the ER for first aid and stitches. For reasons I don't understand the ER nurse thought it would be best to give Scott the stitches without anesthetic.

3. On our first wedding anniversary we went camping in Fernie. While Scott was cutting firewood he chopped the axe into his hand. So we celebrated our first anniversary in the ER waiting for Scott to get stitches. 

4. Our 4th trip to the ER was because he sliced open his finger on a steak knife when loading the dishwasher. He went up to the desk and asked the intake clerk if she thought he needed stitches to which she replied "I can't tell you if you need stitches". He then showed her the cut and she said "you need stitches go sit down". Since that day I have stopped accompanying Scott to the ER when he needs stitches. If he is conscious and not bleeding profusely he can drive himself there. Such a caring wife right?!

5. One day when Scott was walking Samson off leash in the field behind our house Samson was running around and wouldn't come back. Scott decided to get Sam's attention by throwing a rock near him, but the rock ended up hitting Samson on the leg. Scott swears he didn't do it on purpose! The next day I had to take my dog to the vet and make up a story that we didn't know how Sam got a puncture wound on his leg.

6. While waiting at the beach for the dive boat to pick us up in Costa Rica, Scott jumped into the water to cool off and landed in a swarm of jelly fish.  The Costa Ricans thought it was hysterical and said they had never seen it so bad before.

showing off his jelly fish stings

7. While ice climbing the left compound gully in Waterton a few years ago Scott decided to use his axe to make me a shelf to stand on while belaying the next pitch. As he was chipping the ice away with the axe his hand slipped and the axe hit me squarely on the knee. 

this is a mountaineering axe not an ice climbing axe, but it will give you an idea of

what the spike looked like on the axe that Scott hit me in the knee with - at the time we
only had one set of ice tools and had borrowed a set from a friend which is a good thing
because the spikes on Scott's axes are much sharper

the gully we were climbing when Scott hit me on the knee with his axe, we weren't 

at the top when the accident happened but to get back to the truck we still had 3 rappels 

followed by a 30 minute hike

8. In the fall of 2011 Scott took up bow hunting. While practicing his "bow hunting skills" in the garage one evening the bow string hit his forearm (with about 60 lbs of sudden force).

Scott's forearm about 3 days after the bow incident

9. In July 2012 Scott was participating in the Magrath I Swam the Dam Triathlon. It had started to rain slightly making the pavement wet and as he turned the second last corner into town at 40 km/hour on his bike he lost traction and wiped out. He finished the rest of the race with road rash and covered in blood and now is a minor celebrity in the town of Magrath for being the guy who crashed his bike and still finished the race.

the paramedics were excited that they had something to do

...and I saved the best for last,

10. Scott got his 15 minutes of fame on the hit TV show America's Funniest Videos. Instead of trying to describe the incident I will just give you a link to the video. 

Scott's Slackline Fail Video

I hope you enjoyed my Top 10 list of Scott's most memorable "Scott Moments". I have joked that living with Scott is like being in a gag reel and now you know why. It was hard to narrow this list down to only 10. I honestly don't think I can even remember every time Scott got stitches, chucked himself off of something, singed his eyebrows starting a fire, crashed a bike, had to get a tetanus shot or tomahawked down a ski hill, but I think you get the idea. 

Scott fell in a hole - instead of helping him I laughed and took pictures

My First Marathon

I ran my first half marathon in July 1999 at the age of 19. Although my finishing time wasn't terrible at 2 hours and 3 minutes, I hadn't trained properly so the race really went badly from start to finish. When I crossed the finish line I said "well I won't be doing that ever again!" and I even went as far as to say that anyone who would run a full marathon must be completely out of their mind (now that I have completed 5 marathons, it is a statement that I probably still agree with). But as I got closer and closer to my 30th birthday something changed. I decided I didn't want to live a boring, shallow life consisting of shopping,  sipping lattes, being a 'gym rat' (a label reserved especially for people who exercise almost entirely indoors at the gym), watching TV and generally taking the easy road. Yes it's true that Scott and I did hike and climb quite a bit, but never felt like I had gone out on my own to see what I was capable of. I hadn't gone out of my comfort zone and pushed my limits. I wanted to have goals. Real, significant, life changing goals. In 2007 we had travelled to Peru and Ecuador and climbed our first high altitude peak. That experience had given me the sense that I really wasn't living up to my potential and I wondered how much more could I accomplish if I tried. I'm not sure how running a marathon managed to make it's way on my bucket list, but it did, and I can honestly say that I started the whole endeavour without really being sure it was something I wanted to do.

It was in January 2008 that I decided to join the Runners' Soul Marathon Club. Since that half marathon in 1999 I had only rarely ran more than 5 or 6 kilometres and I hadn't applied myself to a consistent training program. I began the Marathon Club training schedule with caution. Once we reached 14 miles on the weekend long runs each following long run would be the longest distance I had ever completed. I would say looking back on the experience it went pretty well until around the 16 mile point. I would run slowly taking occasional walk breaks and had generally managed to finish each long run with a sense that I could probably go longer 2 weeks later.

Of course, that all changed the week I tried to run 18 miles. For people reading this post who have never run that far, the 18 mile point is generally the point at which people will deplete all of their available glycogen stores. Glycogen, which is stored in your skeletal muscle and liver, is a major source of energy. When it's gone, you are almost entirely relying on your body's ability to convert fat into energy, a process which takes a lot longer. People call it "hitting the wall" because you literally feel fine one minute and then the next minute it takes all the effort you can muster to just put one foot in front of the other. Well, needless to say, my 18 mile run was a disaster. In fact I didn't even finish the full distance and not because I hit the wall either. I had to stop at around 11 miles because my IT band had flared up so badly that I could barely walk. Luckily a friend was driving by as I was trying to limp home and gave me a ride.

I was devastated. Until that day I hadn't realized how much the whole experience meant to me. I had a revelation - I actually wanted to run a marathon. On the advice of some more experienced friends, I took it easy, had a couple of massages and then tried the next long run, 20 miles, two weeks later. I decided to change my strategy to running 10 and 1's (10 and 1's are when you alternate between running 10 minutes and walking 1 minute) and it worked. I made it to the starting line of my first marathon on June 1, 2008 in Lethbridge, Alberta.

Race morning I was very nervous! I followed my regular pre-run routine of getting up 2 hours early, eating a good breakfast, getting my running gear ready, doing a bit of mental preparation and most importantly (everyone who has ever run knows how important this really is) I made my morning trip to the washroom. We arrived at the starting line at least 30 minutes early. But my nerves got the best of me and I had to make an emergency trip to the porta-potty. I don't know why this happens but I've seen this a lot at races - people who are not even running the race line up at the porta-potties, creating very long lines and do not even let the racers go first. As a result I was actually in the porta-potty when the gun went off! Yes I started my first marathon sitting on the toilet. I ran out of there pulling up my shorts, Scott handed me my race belt and off I went to the starting line. Good thing for timing chips or it would have added about 2 minutes to my official time.

starting the race basically alone because I was in the porta-potty when the gun went off so everyone  else had already gone

Mile 15 - still smiling

walking up the hill at mile 18 - part of my race strategy

If I could summarize what it's like to run a marathon it would go something like this: "I feel amazing this is awesome!", followed by "OK I don't feel awesome but it's still fine", then a feeling of doubt "Why am I doing this? Isn't half a marathon good enough?", then total despair when you reach the 18 mile point and realize you still have 8.2 miles left to run (for an average person this will take at least an hour), by the time you near the finish line the last few hundred yards feel like an eternity. But I was so thrilled to be running that marathon, it was my BIG DAY, and I found myself smiling so much that my face and cheeks started to hurt.

I crossed the finish line with an official time of 4:35:49 (when you adjust for the time I spent in the porta-potty that is). Looking back if I had to judge this race against the others it was by far my worst result. The first half was not too bad in a time of 2 hours and 3 minutes, but limped through the second half of the race in 2 hours and 32 minutes. I hadn't even beaten the Oprah line (which is to finish your first marathon faster than Oprah's marathon time of 4:29:15) but that didn't diminish my happiness. I had completed my first marathon and I knew that day it wouldn't be my last. I limped back to the car, had a big lunch, a long nap and about a week later when I was finally able to walk normally again, I started planning the next one.

at the finish line - 26.2 miles!

all smiles after the race

More Outrageous Dog Moments : Ashley Edition (plus more Samson)

I wanted to write a follow-up to my recent post titled "Samson's Most Outrageous Moments" with more hilarious dog moments featuring some of Ashley's crazy stories. It didn't seem fair to feature Samson but not my other dog Ashley. If you've met Ashley you know that because she is so sweet, her outrageous moments don't seem quite as funny as Samson's. It's because people tend to feel genuinely bad for her if something crazy happens. She is just a really nice dog and now that she is old and gentle people sometimes forget that in her early days she had earned herself quite a reputation as well.

So here they are - Ashley's most outrageous moments (plus a few more of Samson):

1. When Ashley was a puppy she would run around like a crazy dog so fast that no one could catch her earning the nickname "Smashley".

 "Smashley" the crazy puppy!

2. Ashley learned how to climb a 6 foot fence and escaped our yard one summer afternoon. Scott got a phone call from the neighbour to say that there was a black dog with a red collar running around. It turns out that she climbed the fence (probably to escape Samson being a pest), found some girls who were walking their shih tzus and followed them home. The girls said that Ashley was perfectly behaved and when Scott came to pick her up she was playing in the yard with the shih tzus.

3. Samson has apparently interpreted the game of water fetch to mean "take the object to the shore" not "take the object and give it to the person who threw it" because while we were floating on the lake last summer Samson (who was swimming along beside us) grabbed the rope that was tied to our boat and would not let go of it until he pulled us to the shore. It didn't matter what Scott tried Samson was NOT letting go of that rope.

4. Samson almost broke my nose a few years ago. I was petting him and he sneezed hitting his rock hard skull squarely on my nose. Thank goodness my nose wasn't broken, but it sure did bleed a lot. Sam's head seemed fine.

5. Then there was the time that "Smashley" jumped up unexpectedly and chipped our friend Jenessa's tooth. Yes she chipped Jenessa's front tooth. Luckily Jenessa said she wasn't mad and had dental insurance to fix the tooth (that's what she told us at least --- sorry Jenessa).

6. When Ashley was an "only dog" (before we got Samson) we were packing our pick-up truck to go camping. She was waiting for us in the cab of the truck and stepped on the button locking herself in! It was a good thing we managed to find a spare set of keys because I have no idea how we would have gotten her out of there otherwise!

My beautiful girl about a year before Samson arrived

7. Also "pre-Samson", we were taking Ashley to Popson park for a swim in the river. At the time Scott insisted that all dogs must ride in the back of the truck, something that always made me uncomfortable. As we were driving down the gravel road she jumped out of the truck (while the truck was moving)! Scott slammed on the brakes and I ran out to see her get up from her tumble with blood pouring out of her mouth. When I caught her I saw that she had split her lip open right down the chin. She needed a bunch of stitches and we never argued about whether our dogs would ride freely in the back of the truck again (well they do ride in the back but with a locked topper to keep them inside).

Meeting her brother Samson for the first time

8. At my parent's house one summer we were all sitting in the hot tub in the backyard when Ashley got concerned and jumped in the hot tub with us! I don't think she realized it was full of hot water.

9. Last summer Samson and Scott collided heads and Sam's skull split open Scott's eyebrow almost to the bone. He got it glued and taped instead of stitches, but I still think he should have gotten stitches.

10. There was the time Samson singed his tail in the campfire (that's my boy). He probably did that more than once actually.

11. On Ashley's first Christmas (she was 4 months old) we went to my parents house for the holidays and Ashley drank the entire refillable water dish (probably about 2-3 litres of water). Her belly bloated and she peed on my foot.

Ashley's first Christmas (and our first Christmas as Mr. and Mrs.)

12. On one of our summer weekends in Fairmont when Ashley was a puppy, we were walking her on leash and she somehow managed to get loose from her harness. She ran around the pool area like a crazy dog while people in their swimming suits were chasing her trying to catch her for us.

Earning her other  nickname "Boozer" - she loved Ladell and he loved her
(for the readers who don't know Ladell, he passed away suddenly in Februrary 2011)

While some of these events were really stressful at the time, they have turned into some of my favourite memories. Even though my dogs are getting old now and they sleep most of the day, they still do silly things from time to time and it always makes me smile. This afternoon I found out that Ashley will need surgery on Thursday to remove a tumor from her foot and possibly amputate at least one toe. That makes me sad and afraid. As a "dog mom" I've put a lot of effort into making sure my dogs were always taken care of, safe and loved. But I can't protect them forever and one day there will be nothing I can do for them but help ease their pain and thank them for being my friends. I really hope that day isn't soon and we will be able share many more outrageously crazy moments together.

October 2012 - we ran the 9km Bare Bones Run as a family

Samson's Most Outrageous Moments

This is my dog Samson and he has earned himself quite a reputation of being an enormous, hilarious, crazy & clumsy dog.  Although he is huge, slobbery, excitable and persistent with his requests to fetch, he is also loveable, sensitive, affectionate and in my experience most people cannot resist his charm.

Here is a list of some of his most outrageous moments:

1. The time he ate 30 pieces of 1 inch gravel and then proceeded to puke and poop them all out over the following 2-3 days.

2. He ran a 1/2 marathon in 1 hour and 53 minutes! At the senior age of eight and a half.

Bare Bones Dog Jog - October 2010

3. When he was a young dog he chewed a hole in our BBQ propane hose.

4. After putting a hole in our wall with his head fetch became an "outside-only" game.

5. In the summer of 2003 we took the dogs to Washington state and let them swim in the ocean near Port Angeles. Samson must have drank too much sea water because on the trip back to the campground he threw up all over himself and Ashley in their crate :(

6. While trying to fetch a stick at St. Mary Reservoir,  he didn't see a 2 foot cliff, ran off the cliff and landed face first on a rock, knocking out two of his front teeth.

This picture was taken after he fell off the cliff before the two teeth completely fell out

7. He ate a pound of butter off the counter before we could get it from him.

8. When he was a puppy he ate an electrical cord that was plugged into the outlet.

9. Somehow (we have no idea how) he ripped off an entire claw.

10. He once played a game of fetch so intensely that he friction burned the skin off all 4 of his paws (OUCH!). He was in so much pain he wouldn't eat or go outside to the bathroom for days.

11. He once ate a corn cob and then threw it up 5 weeks later.

12. One Halloween I came home to find that he had eaten all of the candy, except for the Snickers. He apparently doesn't like Snickers. But then again who does?

13. On the way to Banff this September (2012) we arrived at the Tunnel Mountain campground to find that he had pooped in the back of the truck and he and Ashley were both covered in it!

14. In the summer of 2002, when he was 5 months old, we took a road trip to Fairmont for the weekend. Scott's driving must have made him car sick because he threw up in the backseat of our car, and right on top of Ashley's head. Ashley was mortified, Scott was furious and Samson felt terrible (poor guy). We didn't even have any towels to clean up the mess and had to use a blanket. Our car smelled like puke the whole rest of the trip.

Although he is far from perfect, our family just wouldn't be the same without him. He loves life, lives for the moment, isn't afraid to get dirty and takes as much enjoyment in the small pleasures as he can. Most importantly, he's my boy.

Louis Vuitton Lives at the Palace of Versailles? And Other Things I Learned in France.

While traveling in France my husband and I decided to book a Versailles cycling tour. Imagine the perfect day of cycling through Paris, carrying your bicycle onto the train to the city of Versailles, buying picnic ingredients at an authentic french market and then enjoying your picnic in Versailles gardens before touring the palace. The hall of mirrors, where the Treaty of Versailles was signed, had been closed for cleaning and recently reopened. We stood in the exact square where the rioters had stood when Marie Antionette had addressed the crowd from the balcony and allegedly spoke the words “then let them eat cake”. We even timed our tour so perfectly that we were there on one of the two days per week that they turn on the fountains. It was truly magical. 

Enter ultra blonde, designer clad, couple from Hollywood with fake tans and fake who knows what else. They were obviously much cooler than the rest of us and, as part of our group, they immediately established how ‘special’ they were. Of course they could not be bothered to carry their bicycles up or down the stairs, the guide had to do that for them. And they naturally could not be inconvenienced with having to shop for their own picnic at the market. No, they went to McDonald’s. While they were eating their McD’s and we were enjoying a rotisserie chicken, french baguette, mustard, brie, wine and pastries our tour guide was giving us a history lesson on the royal family and french revolution. 

As our guide put it, to summarize the french history lesson in one sentence, Louis the XIV built the palace of Versailles (or at least renovated it), Louis the XV enjoyed the palace and Louis the XVI, along with his wife Marie Antoinette, paid for it with their heads. It was at this point in our history lesson that Ms. Hollywood looked up from her McDonald’s and asked “When did Louis Vuitton live here?”.  Having consumed both of the bottles of wine we purchased at the market (our plan to save one for later had not worked out) and naturally assuming that no one on earth could literally be so dumb as to confuse a fashion designer with one of the royal Louis' I laughed hysterically and joked that he was Louis the XVII. I was met with a blank stare... and that’s where the conversation ended.

Getting onto our bicycles with impaired motor skills after our picnic proved to be more difficult than we had anticipated. But you will be happy to know that we didn't crash our bikes. We spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying the gardens, palace and fountains. The couple from Hollywood skipped the rest of the tour and went across the street to the pub.

 The Hall of Mirrors

Versailles fountains

Things I learned while traveling

1. How to use a squat toilet. This is an extremely valuable skill and something everyone should know how to do.
2. We need to take care of the environment. We only have one planet and we all have to share.
3. Always check entry requirements for each country you are visiting or you may end up spending 22 hours in the Delhi airport on a connection. 
4. If you think you have contracted a parasite called giardia, do not go to work on Monday and google “Beaver Fever”.
5. In Ecuador to order water with carbonation you say “agua con gas” but in Mexico that means “water with farts”.
6. When you don’t shower for over a week people might compliment you on how shiny your hair is.
7. French people really are rude. But, when shopping at a market in Nice, marching up to the french lady selling crafts and telling her you think she was rude to your husband probably will not improve the situation.
8. When traveling in poor countries your empty backpack could be worth more than what an entire family makes in a whole year. And yet they are usually happier and more generous than we are.
9. If you want an authentic travel experience, don’t spend it with a bunch of other Canadians (or Americans) at an all-inclusive. In fact don’t book an all-inclusive ever. And don’t get me started on cruise ships.
10. If we had never travelled, we probably could have paid off our mortgage by now, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Except maybe I’d travel more.

A squat toilet in the Himalayas

Garbage that washed up on the beach of Little Corn Island, a remote caribbean island off the coast of Nicaragua.